Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Hiatus
Your favorite flaneur is taking a little break for the holidays, and will back soon, bigger and better than ever for the new year. Cheers!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Gettin' Dreamy Wit It
From: Jamie
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 11:12 AM
To: Natalie
Subject: Nyquil-induced dreams
Last night were about attending a mass wedding with all my high school pals, but Bf was nowhere to be found.
Are you not at work because you are at this moment stalking Big Willy Style Smith??
From: Natalie
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 11:20 AM
To: Jamie
Subject: Re: Nyquil-induced dreams
I dreamt I was in Venice on a date with Uncle-Jesse-John-Stamos from Full House and Indiana-Jones-era Harrison Ford.
I wanted Harrison Ford to totally have sex with me and do the “Ah, Venice!” line from The Last Crusade movie, but he was having none of that.
(He’d have the sex, but not do the line, and I wasn’t interested without it. Plus, I needed him to wear the Indiana Jones hat. We couldn’t reach a compromise.)
And John Stamos kept checking out other women, so I having none of that, and hopped on a boat all on my lonesome to go visit some grape vineyards with my parents.
I did sing the “Na na na na” part from Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It at the morning meeting. Does that count?
From: Jamie
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 11:32 AM
To: Natalie
Subject: Nyquil-induced dreams
That so counts.
From: Natalie
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 12:01 PM
To: Jamie
Subject: Re: Nyquil-induced dreams
You do know I’ll be putting this whole exchange on my blog, in lieu of doing any actual writing, right?
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 11:12 AM
To: Natalie
Subject: Nyquil-induced dreams
Last night were about attending a mass wedding with all my high school pals, but Bf was nowhere to be found.
Are you not at work because you are at this moment stalking Big Willy Style Smith??
From: Natalie
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 11:20 AM
To: Jamie
Subject: Re: Nyquil-induced dreams
I dreamt I was in Venice on a date with Uncle-Jesse-John-Stamos from Full House and Indiana-Jones-era Harrison Ford.
I wanted Harrison Ford to totally have sex with me and do the “Ah, Venice!” line from The Last Crusade movie, but he was having none of that.
(He’d have the sex, but not do the line, and I wasn’t interested without it. Plus, I needed him to wear the Indiana Jones hat. We couldn’t reach a compromise.)
And John Stamos kept checking out other women, so I having none of that, and hopped on a boat all on my lonesome to go visit some grape vineyards with my parents.
I did sing the “Na na na na” part from Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It at the morning meeting. Does that count?
From: Jamie
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 11:32 AM
To: Natalie
Subject: Nyquil-induced dreams
That so counts.
From: Natalie
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 12:01 PM
To: Jamie
Subject: Re: Nyquil-induced dreams
You do know I’ll be putting this whole exchange on my blog, in lieu of doing any actual writing, right?
Monday, December 8, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Death-defying: A Bagheera Interlude
The further adventures of Bagheera Luno, Super Kitty, who is able to leap tall door frames from desk tops in a single bound. He keeps an ever vigilant watch on his panicked mother, who is unaware of his super powers.
I can haz Super Hero theme song?
I can haz Super Hero theme song?
Tags:
Bagheera
Thursday, December 4, 2008
We rest on shaky foundations
The Mayflower building, my home for the past 4 years, creaks in protest at my steps, leaks its worries and tears, calls quietly in the late hours to lost tenants, to sleeping guests, to missing footsteps of small children and loud song.
The building holds us both, me and a little black cat, in shaking arms -- we fight, we call, we complain, we cry.
The wooden floors ache with me, I bend them, break them, raze them in a fury of clean to rid 80 years of others from my presence but they linger, and I linger and I leave bits of myself over every surface and into the pores of the walls and into the cracks between the floorboards and dust myself into the dark shadows of the past.
The Mayflower echoes the sounds of the highway, tied to shaking foundations ironically or aptly named Independence.
The building holds us both, me and a little black cat, in shaking arms -- we fight, we call, we complain, we cry.
The wooden floors ache with me, I bend them, break them, raze them in a fury of clean to rid 80 years of others from my presence but they linger, and I linger and I leave bits of myself over every surface and into the pores of the walls and into the cracks between the floorboards and dust myself into the dark shadows of the past.
The Mayflower echoes the sounds of the highway, tied to shaking foundations ironically or aptly named Independence.
Looking for the answer
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?"
- Mary Oliver
with your one wild and precious life?"
- Mary Oliver
Enlightened
Some lessons I have learned in life that I am absolutely certain are true:
- No-chip nail polish is a damn, dirty lie.
- Anyone who claims they are a ...
Poet
Writer
Artist
Musician
OR
Talented
Amazing
Fabulous
Humble
... isn't. Ever. If you are any of these, you don't have to say it. You just are.
- Kissing up to the boss will only get you so far in life.
- Headphones from CVS always break exactly 3.5 months after use.
- Thursdays are the longest freakin' work days.
- No-chip nail polish is a damn, dirty lie.
- Anyone who claims they are a ...
Poet
Writer
Artist
Musician
OR
Talented
Amazing
Fabulous
Humble
... isn't. Ever. If you are any of these, you don't have to say it. You just are.
- Kissing up to the boss will only get you so far in life.
- Headphones from CVS always break exactly 3.5 months after use.
- Thursdays are the longest freakin' work days.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Office Politics
Original Message:
From: Natalie
To: WORK
Sent: Dec 2, 2008 12:50 PM
Subject: Cherry cola?
Hi gang,
I had a Cherry Coke in the fridge for my lunch and now it is gone. Anyone seen it?
Your caffeine-deprived editor,
Natalie
Translation:
From: Righteous ball of pissed-off fury
To: Corporate quarter-wits
Sent: Dec 2, 2008 12:50 PM
Subject: That does not belong to you
You fucking vultures!
I will buy 6-inch stiletto heels to grind into your worthless eyeballs! Don't steal my damn soda you bloated rejects of pond scum! What the hell? Seriously. What the hell? How fucking old are we? If it's not yours, don't fucking take it! Gah.
Don't talk to me until I've had a fucking shot of espresso or 75 cents is placed in between my slotted fingers since I am obviously your personal vending machine,
Natalie
From: Natalie
To: WORK
Sent: Dec 2, 2008 12:50 PM
Subject: Cherry cola?
Hi gang,
I had a Cherry Coke in the fridge for my lunch and now it is gone. Anyone seen it?
Your caffeine-deprived editor,
Natalie
Translation:
From: Righteous ball of pissed-off fury
To: Corporate quarter-wits
Sent: Dec 2, 2008 12:50 PM
Subject: That does not belong to you
You fucking vultures!
I will buy 6-inch stiletto heels to grind into your worthless eyeballs! Don't steal my damn soda you bloated rejects of pond scum! What the hell? Seriously. What the hell? How fucking old are we? If it's not yours, don't fucking take it! Gah.
Don't talk to me until I've had a fucking shot of espresso or 75 cents is placed in between my slotted fingers since I am obviously your personal vending machine,
Natalie
Monday, December 1, 2008
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