Since the trend this election season seems to be choosing completely inexperienced women who no one has ever heard of for running mates, I would like to take this opportunity to offer my services to Barack Obama in lue of Biden. I may not be able to see Russia from my house, but I have been out of the country and do not need a $150,000 wardrobe, since I know how to dress myself properly and without using wolf fur as an accessory. The main reason I wish to offer my services to Mr. Obama is this: I’ll get you your own pretzel. Sure, Biden may share, but me? I’ll totally buy you a pretzel, Mr. President. Anytime.
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