"That's just like a man. When I get into a car, I adjust to the settings of the car. When he gets into a car, he makes the car adjust to him."
My mother says this while moving the steering wheel into a lower position, and then fumbling to slide the seat forward. Dad moved her car to back his out of the driveway, and in order to move it 10 feet from one side of the pavement to the other, he had pushed the seat back, raised the steering wheel, and reclined the headrest.
It's true that we are family of tall people. My dad towers at 6-foot-holy-cow, myself a modest 5'10 1/2 in flats (6-foot-Godzilla in heels) and my mom is the shortest in the family at a tiny 5'7. (My Brit/International mates can convert this at their own leisure -- I believe "Godzilla" is the same measure of height in the metric system as it is in America. That is: F'n tall, yo.)
Adjusting a seat to a comfortable driving position is par for the course when you're tall. But to move from one side of a narrow drive to the street? You'd think it was an unnecessary distraction. Yet my father does it every single time.
Which of course, could reason that this is a Man Trait, rather than a Dad Trait. It's anecdotal, but aren't most generalizations on gender anecdotal? After all, studies have proven time and time again that women are no worse drivers than men -- in fact, the majority of studies conclude that women are the safer drivers. But that damn stereotype lingers -- women are bad drivers. Someone has an anecdote to prove it.
The problem with this of course, is that people tend to believe anecdotal evidence as god-given truth. Right now, someone is arguing with one of the studies I have linked, pointing out how their neighbor's sister is the worst driver ever, having hit a school bus full of orphans and puppies twice. Twice! And besides, the wimminz can't drive because of all their periods and hormones and baby-making parts and make-up applying while driving. (It is fairly annoying when I get behind the wheel only to discover that my period and baby-making parts are growing arms and steering my car right into a telephone pole while I twirl my hair and giggle. Silly me.)
I suppose it's been on my mind lately, mostly because I've been spilling out my thoughts on stereotypes in the media in that long-ass post/essay I've been working on. (See my Meta-blogging posts for this.) There is some truth to my mom's saying -- men are taught to take up room. Women are taught to sit "properly" -- ankles crossed or legs crossed. Take up as little amount of space as possible. Be compact. Men are taught to spread out -- if the legs are crossed, it's with the ankle on the knee, leg jaunting out like a pier into their neighbors harboring space. Look around you the next time you're on a bus or in a coffee house. How are people sitting? And why?
While I disagree with using anecdotal evidence as a basis to judge the gender of half the population on the planet (because anecdotal evidence is 9 times out of 10 against women and used as justification for continuing sexism), it does indicate that there is a problem with the way men are raised and the way women are raised.
Girls are told to adjust. Boys are told to conquer. That passive attitude does more to harm women than help them.
What do you think, my dear readers?
6 comments:
In my culture it's the exact opposite. Girls are raised to be active, aggressive, pushy. Boys are raised to be quiet, mousy, passive. When I moved to North America and heard a male fellow student speak in class, I was shocked. I'd been at a university for 4 years in my own country before then and never heard any of our male students say anything. They just sat there in the back row, giggling and whispering.
I know some of your readers might think that I'm trying to be funny here. But I'm not. Our gender stereotypes are truly very different.
Fascinating! Do you mind if I ask where you were raised? I may have to move there!
Thanks for reading, and responding!
I was born in the Soviet Union. But the culture of such passive men is not a good thing either. The median mortality age for men is 56, which is really not good.
Good blog!
Excellent post. As far as the car thing goes, I inspect cars all day long and I adjust the seat in them for my height, even though I'm only in them to move it straight into the garage and straight back out. Banging your knees on a steering wheel is no fun at all and sometimes you can't even operate the car unless the seat is right. A few inches may not seem like much until you need them, haha.. ahem.
I know, I know.. That's not what the post was about, but I like to ramble on and on, so just bear with me. I think you're right about the problems in the way people are raised, but what do we do? Teach the girls to go out and conquer like the boys? Well the boys should probably be taught to treat the women as they'd treat anyone else, and stop the ridiculous sexism.. but how exactly do you do that? It would probably be patronizing (patronical? patron..ymic? there needs to be a different word form for that..) to teach the boys to treat the girls as their equals.. such teaching would imply that the girls are NOT the equals but should still be treated as such.. which doesn't really help the situation.. damned if you do..
Either way, I'm going back to the traffic statistics and stereotypes.. In the NY Times link you gave, although it does support what you said about women being the safer drivers, the article seems to be largely based upon the stereotype opposite of the one you've referred to : Men are nuts behind the wheel. So it seems those things do go both ways, and for the sake of rambling further let me tell you how I've always known it to be, and how I see it. The studies in the articles you cited seem to only focus on one thing. The death toll. Yeah. Seems to make sense that it would be the most important statistic, but being the most important doesn't mean it's the only one. I have no studies to cite, but from what I recall hearing, women are more likely to BE in and cause accidents, while men are more likely to die from them. Women tend to hit mailboxes and back into other cars and lampposts, while men tend to flip over, roll down hills, and crash into things at full-speed. Also, I think that it should be noted that the opposite of "bad" is not "safe," and the opposite of "wreck and die" is not "good driver" (though it definitely seems to make sense..) I know; life isn't a racetrack.. but the "best" driver isn't always the safest driver, right?
Wait a sec.. which side am I on, anyhow? This nonsense should really stop.. I don't think whether you're male or female matters toward whether or not you're a 'good' driver.. I say statistics are sometimes useless and best left ignored. Though that could just be because I wanted to add that one more sentence to my rambling..
Also, I apologize for my erratic thought pattern and my gross overuse of ellipses. (I'm working on it.. they just seem to help my thought process.)
@Tyler:
No need to ever apologize for writing a long comment! Any writing is useful and good practice.
As for you, yeah, you better move the seats to your height! It's your job! Which proves that there is an exception to every anecdote and rule, and nothing is set in stone. Well, nothing should be set in stone. But some things, like the idea that women are bad drivers simply for being women is a stereotype that refuses to go away. Which goes with what I was saying -- that there is some grain of truth to each individual preaching those anecdotal sayings, but in general they should not be taken as god-given truth.
And for the rest, I hope that there comes a day when this whole equality thing needn't even be an issue, and Internet archaeologists can dig up this writing and laugh at how backward we all were in the year 2011. Fingers crossed!
@Clarissa:
Again, fascinating! I admit, I know very little about the culture dynamic in that part of the world, so this bit of info is being stored for future reference!
And thank you again for the kind words. I have been reading your blog as well, and I am very impressed with it! So it is a compliment that you like my blog! I hope you continue to read and be entertained! :)
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