"Everything In My Closet Is Slutty Or Casual: A Journey Of Inappropriate
Work Attire, An Autobiography Of Every Morning at 7 A.M." By Natalie
Chapter 1: Why is this shirt covered in cat hair?
Chapter 2: It's not TECHNICALLY strapless, so it works, right?
Chapter 3: Why do you own so many pairs of shorts? You don't even wear
shorts. Except the purple ones. But not to work. Don't put those on.
Chapter 4: The many ways in which your ass can no longer fit into those pants you have owned since 2003.
Chapter 5: Did you shave your legs? You didn't. How not-shaven are they? Eh, that dress is long enough.
Chapter 6: Sitting in the middle of your floorobe sighing and checking Facebook will not get you to work on time.
Chapter 7: Define skintight.
Chapter 8: Didn't you wear that Monday?
Chapter 9: Damn it, just throw something on already. No, not that.
Chapter 10: How the many vows to buy appropriate work attire will be forgotten by the time you finish your morning coffee.
Chapter 11: Doing it all again tomorrow as if it were a grand surprise.
(Email me at flaneurinthecity at gmail dot com if you want to follow my personal Twitter. Maybe one day I'll actually use the flaneurinthecity official Twitter account. After I buy a proper pair of trousers and a sensible shirt.)
Showing posts with label Meta-Blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Meta-Blogging. Show all posts
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Friday, June 21, 2013
You Find Me: The Advice Round
Much like the recent Weird Facebook Ads, I will occasionally write a routine post after I check my stats and see who is visiting FitC and what brought them here. Previous searches are here, here, and these two here. Today's round is dedicated to those looking to FitC for advice. I'm sorry that I am your source for wise counsel, but I'll do my best at supplying the advice you seek.
1.) DO NOT DO THIS.
FitC advice: Do not do this. This is not a Thing. This will only result in pain and chaffing and, if mixed with vinegar, a penis volcano. Contrary to how cool that sounds, it is not sexy nor comfortable. Nobody wants that for you.
2.) Not Even Close
FitC advice: Well. If you would like to donate funds to make FitC into Dan Feuerriegel's Wikipedia, there's a PayPal button to your right. It will take a few million, so have at it. Dollars or Euros is fine by me. Looks like you get the star for this round.
Other than that, I don't think FitC is quite what you're looking for. (How do you feel about David Bowie? Yes? No? Come for the Dan, stay for the Bowie?) Anyway, here's his Twitter: https://twitter.com/DgFeuerriegel
3.) If I Had It, I Would Share It
FitC advice: Call Iman. She's got the goods.
4.) Are You Asking?
FitC advice: Does Daniel Feuerriegel have a girlfriend? I don't know. Or is this Dan Feuerriegel looking for a girlfriend? Well, alright, Danny-boy. Since you asked in such a round-about way, yes. I'll be your girlfriend. I'm sure my husband won't mind. Do you like David Bowie? You do now.
I spelled your name right multiple times. In Internet terms, that probably means we've reached first base. Your move, Dan.
5.) Magical
FitC advice: Is this real? A whole shop devoted to nothing but BOWIE?! Where is this magical place? Take me there. Like Narnia. I will hop in any wardrobe for Bowie.
If it's not real, my advice is for everyone to empty out their piggy banks and we'll open a Bowie shop ourselves. AshleyISee has already named it Bowie's Boudoir. Let's do this.
1.) DO NOT DO THIS.
FitC advice: Do not do this. This is not a Thing. This will only result in pain and chaffing and, if mixed with vinegar, a penis volcano. Contrary to how cool that sounds, it is not sexy nor comfortable. Nobody wants that for you.
2.) Not Even Close
FitC advice: Well. If you would like to donate funds to make FitC into Dan Feuerriegel's Wikipedia, there's a PayPal button to your right. It will take a few million, so have at it. Dollars or Euros is fine by me. Looks like you get the star for this round.
Other than that, I don't think FitC is quite what you're looking for. (How do you feel about David Bowie? Yes? No? Come for the Dan, stay for the Bowie?) Anyway, here's his Twitter: https://twitter.com/DgFeuerriegel
3.) If I Had It, I Would Share It
FitC advice: Call Iman. She's got the goods.
4.) Are You Asking?
FitC advice: Does Daniel Feuerriegel have a girlfriend? I don't know. Or is this Dan Feuerriegel looking for a girlfriend? Well, alright, Danny-boy. Since you asked in such a round-about way, yes. I'll be your girlfriend. I'm sure my husband won't mind. Do you like David Bowie? You do now.
 |
| This image totally does not belong to me. Found via every Dan tumblr in existence. |
5.) Magical
FitC advice: Is this real? A whole shop devoted to nothing but BOWIE?! Where is this magical place? Take me there. Like Narnia. I will hop in any wardrobe for Bowie.
 |
| I want to go to there. |
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Why Don't You ...
This past week, I had my very first food story as the section lead in the local alt weekly paper. It's a personal stepping stone for me, because I never really write about food or music for pay. I've written about restaurants and interviewed chefs, but I've never had a lead story or written about the actual food itself. I never really wanted to. I still never want to have to write about music. Musicians, sure. And occasionally, here on this space, I've waxed poetic about pop stars. Once, I managed to become inspired enough to even break down a song and write a post on it. (Hello, Lady Gaga!) I unabashedly love pop music and musicals and never-heard-of-thems, but I don't want to write about them.
If it's not in your blood to enjoy every aspect of working with something, it quickly sours. That's why some hobbies can't translate into paying work. Writing is something I am good at and love to do, so I sweat it out and still enjoy it. But when it comes to music, it is the one area, the one subject, in my life that I can turn off my brain and just enjoy. I like it, because I don't have to think about it. No analyzing beats, no dissecting lyrics, no questioning motives. No digging out the Five Ws. No reviewing. Listen, enjoy, repeat. This isn't to say I do not recognize problematic lyrics or artists, or will listen to just anything. But since I do not have any ambition to write about music, or to be a music reviewer, or a singer, a songwriter, or to learn a new instrument or critique musical arrangements, I am free to be dumb and listen to things that make me happy or invoke nostalgia or make me cry. It's freeing. I loathe to give it up. A good, tasty meal has the same effect. It's why I steer clear of penning Yelp reviews and why I do not share recipes on my blog. But after this past week, I think it's time. So food, sure. I'm taking the step and adding it to my list of things I can write about. Music is still a no. It's still mine.
So, why don't I write about David Bowie's new album? That's between me and him.
If it's not in your blood to enjoy every aspect of working with something, it quickly sours. That's why some hobbies can't translate into paying work. Writing is something I am good at and love to do, so I sweat it out and still enjoy it. But when it comes to music, it is the one area, the one subject, in my life that I can turn off my brain and just enjoy. I like it, because I don't have to think about it. No analyzing beats, no dissecting lyrics, no questioning motives. No digging out the Five Ws. No reviewing. Listen, enjoy, repeat. This isn't to say I do not recognize problematic lyrics or artists, or will listen to just anything. But since I do not have any ambition to write about music, or to be a music reviewer, or a singer, a songwriter, or to learn a new instrument or critique musical arrangements, I am free to be dumb and listen to things that make me happy or invoke nostalgia or make me cry. It's freeing. I loathe to give it up. A good, tasty meal has the same effect. It's why I steer clear of penning Yelp reviews and why I do not share recipes on my blog. But after this past week, I think it's time. So food, sure. I'm taking the step and adding it to my list of things I can write about. Music is still a no. It's still mine.
So, why don't I write about David Bowie's new album? That's between me and him.
Tags:
David Bowie,
Journalism,
Lady Gaga,
Meta-Blogging,
Music
Friday, January 4, 2013
Bloggity-blog Update
Hello, my friends!
Quick note to say I've finally written something in my About section. It's been hanging out at the top of my blog for about a month now with nothing in it. Now it has the origins and aims of FitC with obligatory David Bowie references. Plus, an updated FAQ, with the ever-present question, "Why are you on Blogger and not Wordpress?" answered.
Have a look if you have the time, and as always, thank you for reading!
Quick note to say I've finally written something in my About section. It's been hanging out at the top of my blog for about a month now with nothing in it. Now it has the origins and aims of FitC with obligatory David Bowie references. Plus, an updated FAQ, with the ever-present question, "Why are you on Blogger and not Wordpress?" answered.
Have a look if you have the time, and as always, thank you for reading!
Tags:
Meta-Blogging
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
The 10 Most Popular Posts Of 2012
Happy 2013, my loves!
Are we ready for the new year? Even though we're already two days in to 2013, here's a look back at my most popular posts of 2012. These are the posts that had the most page hits, from random Google searches, Facebook, and returning visitors. Have you read them yet? Time to catch up! And then? There are so many new beginnings just waiting to happen. Let's walk together another year. My hand is waiting for yours.
10.) Cinderella
The night I fell. On the dance floor and possibly in love.
9.) Badly Drawn Little Comics: Jolly Green Giant
My scribbles on being a tall girl. Includes an accurate picture of me at 13.
8.) Capricorn Babies
Did you follow this advice last year? Read it again. Give your Capricorn friends some love this year and don't wrap their birthday presents in Christmas paper.
7.) Small Reminders
An almost follow-up to the 5th most popular post this year, A Twist of Metal.
6.) In Which I Substitute Witty Emails For A Blog Post
Private emails make for popular posts! Jamie and I talk about The Hunger Games, the 2012 Oscars, Clifford the Big Red Dog, and baby shower ideas. (Also, Jamie never learned to love Finnick from Catching Fire. Somehow we're still friends?)
5.) A Twist of Metal
In February of 2012, my dear friend Stig passed away and my doctor found a lump in my breast. Learning of Stig's death and having a biopsy to test for the same disease my mother had made for a nerve-wrecking 24 hours. I was able to write about it a few months later in this post.
4.) In Which There Is A Lazy Post
Lesson learned: Publish all posts in Draft Folder, no matter how small. This teeny post made the top five!
3.) Facts Are Your Friend
Oh, North Carolina. Sometimes, I just don't know what to do with you. The passing of Amendment One hurt so many N.C. residents. We'll just have to keep fighting in 2013.
2.) City Beauty: Sugar Scrub Shave
Tried something new, and happily received a positive response from the Internet. Hello, Pinterest readers! This is the perfect sugar scrub to make your legs smoother than a classic jazz melody. (Also, cock puns.)
1.) What The Backstreet Boys Taught Me About Internet Politics
Google. Google. What are you doing? Are you drunk? This is NOT a BSB blog. That's enough, Google.
Are we ready for the new year? Even though we're already two days in to 2013, here's a look back at my most popular posts of 2012. These are the posts that had the most page hits, from random Google searches, Facebook, and returning visitors. Have you read them yet? Time to catch up! And then? There are so many new beginnings just waiting to happen. Let's walk together another year. My hand is waiting for yours.
10.) Cinderella
The night I fell. On the dance floor and possibly in love.
9.) Badly Drawn Little Comics: Jolly Green Giant
My scribbles on being a tall girl. Includes an accurate picture of me at 13.
8.) Capricorn Babies
Did you follow this advice last year? Read it again. Give your Capricorn friends some love this year and don't wrap their birthday presents in Christmas paper.
7.) Small Reminders
An almost follow-up to the 5th most popular post this year, A Twist of Metal.
6.) In Which I Substitute Witty Emails For A Blog Post
Private emails make for popular posts! Jamie and I talk about The Hunger Games, the 2012 Oscars, Clifford the Big Red Dog, and baby shower ideas. (Also, Jamie never learned to love Finnick from Catching Fire. Somehow we're still friends?)
5.) A Twist of Metal
In February of 2012, my dear friend Stig passed away and my doctor found a lump in my breast. Learning of Stig's death and having a biopsy to test for the same disease my mother had made for a nerve-wrecking 24 hours. I was able to write about it a few months later in this post.
4.) In Which There Is A Lazy Post
Lesson learned: Publish all posts in Draft Folder, no matter how small. This teeny post made the top five!
3.) Facts Are Your Friend
Oh, North Carolina. Sometimes, I just don't know what to do with you. The passing of Amendment One hurt so many N.C. residents. We'll just have to keep fighting in 2013.
2.) City Beauty: Sugar Scrub Shave
Tried something new, and happily received a positive response from the Internet. Hello, Pinterest readers! This is the perfect sugar scrub to make your legs smoother than a classic jazz melody. (Also, cock puns.)
1.) What The Backstreet Boys Taught Me About Internet Politics
Google. Google. What are you doing? Are you drunk? This is NOT a BSB blog. That's enough, Google.
Tags:
Meta-Blogging
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Important Announcements
1.) There are only 2 sleeps until Christmas!
2.) As such, FitC will be a little bare this week. Unless I'm really inspired by something, there probably won't be a Weekly pic or a Friday Quote. Hope y'all don't mind!
3.) No, for real though, Christmas is the day after tomorrow!
In preparation, I've made Dulce De Leche candy, Banana Nut Bread and Peppermint Bark. All my Christmas treats involve a Ziploc bag and a hammer (crushed candy canes for Bark and crushed pecans for candy and bread), because I like to play Thor when I bake. All will be given as gifts and eaten on Christmas day, with a nice cuppa coffee or tea. What are your plans this week? I hope they are equal parts tasty and fantastic!
4.) It's not Christmas for me until this happens:
Happy Holidays, my fellow flâneurs! I'm sending love and good wishes to each and every one of you!
2.) As such, FitC will be a little bare this week. Unless I'm really inspired by something, there probably won't be a Weekly pic or a Friday Quote. Hope y'all don't mind!
3.) No, for real though, Christmas is the day after tomorrow!
In preparation, I've made Dulce De Leche candy, Banana Nut Bread and Peppermint Bark. All my Christmas treats involve a Ziploc bag and a hammer (crushed candy canes for Bark and crushed pecans for candy and bread), because I like to play Thor when I bake. All will be given as gifts and eaten on Christmas day, with a nice cuppa coffee or tea. What are your plans this week? I hope they are equal parts tasty and fantastic!
4.) It's not Christmas for me until this happens:
(To be fair, most of my major holidays involve David Bowie.)
Happy Holidays, my fellow flâneurs! I'm sending love and good wishes to each and every one of you!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Share And Share Alike
It's time to update the Reading List! Here's a quick round-up of new or new-to-me sites, and a few people you should follow.
Through A London Looking Glass
Have you seen this yet? I swell up with uncharacteristically obnoxious big-sisterly pride that I am sure makes dear Ashley roll her eyes, but I am ridiculously proud of her blog. Like, print photos of it, carry them in my wallet and force strangers on the train to look at them and agree with me how awesome it is. She's found a niche in reviewing newly released and advanced copies of YA books and she's killing it over there. Go visit and follow, if you haven't already.
Lost & Found Fiction
What do you do when you want to write books, right now? Start your own publishing company! Darling friend Buchanan has written multiple books, stories, comics, you-name-its, and shares them all through Lost & Found Fiction. Consider this your Cyber Tuesday shopping tip! Books on sale now!
Everything But Black
Once upon a time, Chris of Everything But Black casually sent me a link to his music and then expected me to talk to him like he wasn't brilliant and I wasn't a total fangirl. I know, right? Luckily we're still friends. If you're looking for music, art and entertainment that's more than puddle-deep, visit Chris and his co-blogger Ryan at EBB.
Fresh Beats, Fresh Eats
Let's all make Chocolate Crinkle Cookies with Grapefruit and Star Anis. Right now. No, seriously, I don't even know if star anis is a veggie or a fruit but I think I need these cookies right now. (And stay to listen to some choice tunes.)
The American Londoner
Let's all drool over Govinda's and hot chocolate in this ex-pat's recent Dublin post. Oh my! (And stay to read some political musings on American politics from an expatriate's perspective.)
Rants 'n Raves
The Arthurnator has opinions, and is not afraid to share them! Actually, Arthur is very witty and kind and has a way with words. Today's post about his love gave me an "Aww!" mixed with a chuckle. (An awwhuckle?)
That's All, She Wrote
Big-dreamer Ann curated Making Notes: Music of the Carolinas, a nonfiction anthology of stories and essays about the musical history of North and South Carolina. She's also as sweet as anyone can possibly be, and encourages writing fanfiction.
Counting Down The Hours
Oh, this guy. Matt Brunson will forever be FitC's #1 Film Critic Extraordinaire, without question. But when it comes to the geeky side of film and video games, this dude Adam is OK. For real though, if you want to talk about the deeper implications of the aliens in Prometheus, this is your man, right here. And ladies? He's single AND he has Star Wars bedsheets. (Probably. If Star Wars sheets are your thing, he's buying some right now.)
Who did I miss? I know I missed someone, apologies in advance! Share your blog in the comments, and happy reading!
Through A London Looking Glass
Have you seen this yet? I swell up with uncharacteristically obnoxious big-sisterly pride that I am sure makes dear Ashley roll her eyes, but I am ridiculously proud of her blog. Like, print photos of it, carry them in my wallet and force strangers on the train to look at them and agree with me how awesome it is. She's found a niche in reviewing newly released and advanced copies of YA books and she's killing it over there. Go visit and follow, if you haven't already.
Lost & Found Fiction
What do you do when you want to write books, right now? Start your own publishing company! Darling friend Buchanan has written multiple books, stories, comics, you-name-its, and shares them all through Lost & Found Fiction. Consider this your Cyber Tuesday shopping tip! Books on sale now!
Everything But Black
Once upon a time, Chris of Everything But Black casually sent me a link to his music and then expected me to talk to him like he wasn't brilliant and I wasn't a total fangirl. I know, right? Luckily we're still friends. If you're looking for music, art and entertainment that's more than puddle-deep, visit Chris and his co-blogger Ryan at EBB.
Fresh Beats, Fresh Eats
Let's all make Chocolate Crinkle Cookies with Grapefruit and Star Anis. Right now. No, seriously, I don't even know if star anis is a veggie or a fruit but I think I need these cookies right now. (And stay to listen to some choice tunes.)
The American Londoner
Let's all drool over Govinda's and hot chocolate in this ex-pat's recent Dublin post. Oh my! (And stay to read some political musings on American politics from an expatriate's perspective.)
Rants 'n Raves
The Arthurnator has opinions, and is not afraid to share them! Actually, Arthur is very witty and kind and has a way with words. Today's post about his love gave me an "Aww!" mixed with a chuckle. (An awwhuckle?)
That's All, She Wrote
Big-dreamer Ann curated Making Notes: Music of the Carolinas, a nonfiction anthology of stories and essays about the musical history of North and South Carolina. She's also as sweet as anyone can possibly be, and encourages writing fanfiction.
Counting Down The Hours
Oh, this guy. Matt Brunson will forever be FitC's #1 Film Critic Extraordinaire, without question. But when it comes to the geeky side of film and video games, this dude Adam is OK. For real though, if you want to talk about the deeper implications of the aliens in Prometheus, this is your man, right here. And ladies? He's single AND he has Star Wars bedsheets. (Probably. If Star Wars sheets are your thing, he's buying some right now.)
Who did I miss? I know I missed someone, apologies in advance! Share your blog in the comments, and happy reading!
Tags:
Meta-Blogging
Monday, November 26, 2012
Artsy-schmartsy
Last night I had a dream that FitC needed a new banner. I'm no graphic artist, but it's fun to play around with the images on the blog every once and awhile. What do you think? From this:
To this:
Our role model is feeling festive. Must be the holiday season!
In my dream, FitC had its own European oval country identification sticker. (My subconscious seems to think FitC is not an American-based endeavor.) So in case I'm driving and need to let the world know where I am from, there's also this:
Lovely friends, I promise to add actual content to my blog soon. Real content, and not just poorly designed banners. Cross my heart.
 |
| Black and white and read all over. |
 |
| Hey hey! |
Our role model is feeling festive. Must be the holiday season!
In my dream, FitC had its own European oval country identification sticker. (My subconscious seems to think FitC is not an American-based endeavor.) So in case I'm driving and need to let the world know where I am from, there's also this:
 |
| Will brake for booze. |
Lovely friends, I promise to add actual content to my blog soon. Real content, and not just poorly designed banners. Cross my heart.
Tags:
Images,
Meta-Blogging
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Bloggity-Blog Notes
Hello, my darlings! A few things today:
1.) No more anonymous comments. I've been getting a ton of anons lately and it's mostly spam cluttering up my inbox. For now, you'll have to leave a name to leave a comment, in hopes of keeping the anon-o-bots away. I do hope that this isn't an inconvenience to anyone.
2.) I am going to be trying something new on the blog this week! I don't know if it will be a regular feature like Friday QuoteDay, but I hope you like it. Stay tuned!
3.) It's come to my attention through Google that someone likes FitC so much, they decided to take a piece home with them.
This is just a friendly reminder that if I have written something on here that you love, please do not plagiarize it. And if you discover something that moves you and wish to elaborate on it, please give me credit for the original text.
Credit is currency on the Internet. There are no ads on FitC, and the sad donation button has gotten only one donation (thanks for the cuppa tea, you-know-who-you-are!) since going live over a year ago. And that's OK! FitC is my blog baby and I love writing here.
But! Please, please, please take into consideration that the photos and words here take time and effort, and respect that they belong to me unless stated otherwise. I still love all of you in ways that make my husband clear his throat and tap his wedding ring on the table. But please don't steal from me.
4.) Requisite David Bowie:
Hippie Bowie of peace and love and no-plagiarizing. Image found here, because that's how it works.
1.) No more anonymous comments. I've been getting a ton of anons lately and it's mostly spam cluttering up my inbox. For now, you'll have to leave a name to leave a comment, in hopes of keeping the anon-o-bots away. I do hope that this isn't an inconvenience to anyone.
2.) I am going to be trying something new on the blog this week! I don't know if it will be a regular feature like Friday QuoteDay, but I hope you like it. Stay tuned!
3.) It's come to my attention through Google that someone likes FitC so much, they decided to take a piece home with them.
This is just a friendly reminder that if I have written something on here that you love, please do not plagiarize it. And if you discover something that moves you and wish to elaborate on it, please give me credit for the original text.
Credit is currency on the Internet. There are no ads on FitC, and the sad donation button has gotten only one donation (thanks for the cuppa tea, you-know-who-you-are!) since going live over a year ago. And that's OK! FitC is my blog baby and I love writing here.
But! Please, please, please take into consideration that the photos and words here take time and effort, and respect that they belong to me unless stated otherwise. I still love all of you in ways that make my husband clear his throat and tap his wedding ring on the table. But please don't steal from me.
4.) Requisite David Bowie:
Hippie Bowie of peace and love and no-plagiarizing. Image found here, because that's how it works.
Tags:
Meta-Blogging
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
You Find Me
Every so often I check my blog's stats to see how people came to FitC. Here are 10 things Google believes FitC is about, accurate or not.
1.) Dirty Cat:
Bagheera is not amused.
Despite the "FUN" arrows, Bagheera is not having any of your shenanigans.
2.) Serious Research:
Do your own homework. Don't copy mine.
3.) Pervy Fangirls:
You. You GTFO. Now. Because I don't know whether to be offended or turned on.
4.) Do What Now?
I don't know what you want. You want David Bowie? Here's some David Bowie.
When in doubt, you can never go wrong with David Bowie.
1.) Dirty Cat:
Bagheera is not amused.
Despite the "FUN" arrows, Bagheera is not having any of your shenanigans.
2.) Serious Research:
Do your own homework. Don't copy mine.
3.) Pervy Fangirls:
You. You GTFO. Now. Because I don't know whether to be offended or turned on.
4.) Do What Now?
I don't know what you want. You want David Bowie? Here's some David Bowie.
When in doubt, you can never go wrong with David Bowie.
Tags:
1990s,
Bagheera,
David Bowie,
Meta-Blogging
Thursday, August 23, 2012
We Didn't Break Up
I promise, we didn't.
I am walking up a steep lane to a small cottage nestled in thick bramble. The wooden cottage door is swollen shut, but I must get inside, for in this small hidden cottage there is a pale white-washed room holding a stoic oak table. On this table there is a blue ceramic bowl holding a bright red apple. Inside the apple is a seed, and carved almost imperceptibly on this small apple seed is one word, "write."
First, I must make my way up the lane, through the door, into the room. Sit at the table, study the curves of the blue bowl. Weigh the apple in bare, sweaty palms. Decide to take a bite. It's not an altogether unpleasant task, just takes time.
It's taken a solid two months, but I found the seed. Hello, dear Flâneur in the City readers. I missed you. What's new?
I am walking up a steep lane to a small cottage nestled in thick bramble. The wooden cottage door is swollen shut, but I must get inside, for in this small hidden cottage there is a pale white-washed room holding a stoic oak table. On this table there is a blue ceramic bowl holding a bright red apple. Inside the apple is a seed, and carved almost imperceptibly on this small apple seed is one word, "write."
First, I must make my way up the lane, through the door, into the room. Sit at the table, study the curves of the blue bowl. Weigh the apple in bare, sweaty palms. Decide to take a bite. It's not an altogether unpleasant task, just takes time.
It's taken a solid two months, but I found the seed. Hello, dear Flâneur in the City readers. I missed you. What's new?
Friday, April 6, 2012
How to Get Blog Hits, FitC Style
I'm not a successful blogger by any means (I'd never win America's Next Top Blogger, no matter how often Tyra Banks told me to use SEO phrases and smile with my eyes) but here are a few things I've learned from having Flâneur in the City these past few years. Follow my lead and you too can have tens of blog hits from people who aren't even related to you! Tens, I tell you!
1.) Katy Perry's boobs. Never mind the feminist critique that accompanies the photo of KP's candy cleavage and the clear preference for Lady Gaga. Pictures! Boobs!
Lesson: Pop stars can be used to teach anything. Feminism, economics, quantum physics. If you're writing about a subject that isn't spicy enough to draw in readers who aren't your friends and family, throw in some pop stars.
2.) Backstreet Boys! Clearly I underestimated the draw. The 1990s are alive and well in the hearts of Internet users and damn it they will have their Backstreet's Back, all right!
Lesson: Nostalgia = Blog hits.
3.) Quotation marks around the phrase "David Bowie's Penis." There's half my Google hits right there.
Lesson: This lesson really only applies to FitC. But if you have a celeb (or author or musician or congresswoman, but not a real person in your life) you love, write about him/her. Avoid being creepy about it. There's a difference between jest and stalking. And if there's one thing I am absolutely certain of is that everyone loves David Bowie and his spider from Mars.
4.) Obscure hits come from the phrase "fishing lures London." One photo of shining fishing lures near South Kensington mean a few readers have found FitC in hopes of improving their fishing. Sorry, mates.
Lesson: The more obscure, the better. Any topic you know that no one else knows? Write about it. And use keywords that pertain to the subject. Frequently, but not obnoxiously.
5.) Friends with blogs. A lot of my hits come from Shakesville and Feministe; both sport open forums that encourage readers to share what they've been bloggity-blogging about. When I write something related to social justice, feminism, politics, or 90s pop stars, I share. I have a whole Reading List of blogs and sites that I am in touch with, and I want to add more.
Lesson: Make friends with benefits! Also with blogs.
1.) Katy Perry's boobs. Never mind the feminist critique that accompanies the photo of KP's candy cleavage and the clear preference for Lady Gaga. Pictures! Boobs!
Lesson: Pop stars can be used to teach anything. Feminism, economics, quantum physics. If you're writing about a subject that isn't spicy enough to draw in readers who aren't your friends and family, throw in some pop stars.
 |
| Two for the price of one! |
2.) Backstreet Boys! Clearly I underestimated the draw. The 1990s are alive and well in the hearts of Internet users and damn it they will have their Backstreet's Back, all right!
Lesson: Nostalgia = Blog hits.
3.) Quotation marks around the phrase "David Bowie's Penis." There's half my Google hits right there.
Lesson: This lesson really only applies to FitC. But if you have a celeb (or author or musician or congresswoman, but not a real person in your life) you love, write about him/her. Avoid being creepy about it. There's a difference between jest and stalking. And if there's one thing I am absolutely certain of is that everyone loves David Bowie and his spider from Mars.
4.) Obscure hits come from the phrase "fishing lures London." One photo of shining fishing lures near South Kensington mean a few readers have found FitC in hopes of improving their fishing. Sorry, mates.
Lesson: The more obscure, the better. Any topic you know that no one else knows? Write about it. And use keywords that pertain to the subject. Frequently, but not obnoxiously.
5.) Friends with blogs. A lot of my hits come from Shakesville and Feministe; both sport open forums that encourage readers to share what they've been bloggity-blogging about. When I write something related to social justice, feminism, politics, or 90s pop stars, I share. I have a whole Reading List of blogs and sites that I am in touch with, and I want to add more.
Lesson: Make friends with benefits! Also with blogs.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Ta-Da!
Exciting and overdue news!
Long and annoying URL flaneur-in-the-city.blogspot.com is no more!
Keep an eye on FitC; in the next 24 hours or so, it'll be http://www.flaneurinthecity.com! (Still long, but not obnoxiously so!) And no worries about losing the address; flaneur-in-the-city.blogspot.com will still work if you have it bookmarked or saved, you'll just be redirected to the new URL.
Hang on to your fedoras, y'all, because FitC just got fancy.
Remember: flaneurinthecity.com!
Long and annoying URL flaneur-in-the-city.blogspot.com is no more!
Keep an eye on FitC; in the next 24 hours or so, it'll be http://www.flaneurinthecity.com! (Still long, but not obnoxiously so!) And no worries about losing the address; flaneur-in-the-city.blogspot.com will still work if you have it bookmarked or saved, you'll just be redirected to the new URL.
Hang on to your fedoras, y'all, because FitC just got fancy.
 | |
| Like this, but with more glitter. |
Tags:
Catching Up,
Meta-Blogging
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Just A Reminder
If you are on Pinterest, all of the images here on FitC can instantly be pinned, thanks to the handy-dandy Share/Save button directly under the Tags below each post. But! When using the images, please credit them to the original owners. Credit is currency on the Internet, especially for small blogs like this one. I try to watermark Flaneur-in-the-city.blogspot.com (ugh, I know, that name is soooo long, right? I'm working on fixing it, I swear) on each of the photos I've taken, but I also use other photos and images created by amazing graphic artists who deserve credit. Thanks and kisses!
Tags:
Meta-Blogging
Friday, February 24, 2012
Where In The World?
It’s been a long time and I shouldn’t have left you without a dope beat to step to. Forgive my extended absence.
So what’s new?
First off: Your favorite feckless flâneur found herself a job. For now. It’s a freelance in-house temp position, and I signed a contract to have my butt in a cubicle from 9-6 until May. This is a good thing, as blogging doesn’t really pay the bills. Unless those bills are attached to ducks, and those I can pay with stale bread and water. Which is what I would be stuck eating if it weren’t for my dear Mr. B providing me with vittles as I wrote for 10 cents a word for the past few months.
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| Via TrueWildlife. |
Now that I am getting paid to write 8 hours a day, my blogging will have to be limited to the weekends and after work. My goal is to produce content (fancy speak for writin’ lots) during my free time and schedule posts throughout the week. This hasn’t actually happened yet, but when I do, I’m sure it will work fine. Right?
Second: If you’ve ever wanted to do a guest post for all the fame and glory that comes with free blogging for an extremely small and limited audience (that mostly consists of people Googling “David Bowie’s penis,” my friends and family -- sorry Mom! -- and like-minded lovelies) now is you big time to shine, shine like a child star on public access Saturday morning television! Come! Join me! Be a GUEST BLOGGER!
And if all that fame and glory isn’t enough for you, I am also looking of Flâneur in the City photo submissions, since being stuck in a cubicle means I can’t run around taking pics until my heart and memory card are full.
I have a couple of posts in the works, and my draft folder is full of stories going back to April of last year, because that’s the kind of organized and prompt individual I am. (SUPER organized and timely, that’s the kind.)
In short: I love you all, and I’ll talk to you soon.
UPDATE: Yes, the opening line is from this song. Consider it tonight's jam:
UPDATE: Yes, the opening line is from this song. Consider it tonight's jam:
Aaliyah featuring Timbaland, "Try Again"
Tags:
Catching Up,
Meta-Blogging
Monday, January 30, 2012
FFF: FitC Friends on Facebook
Did you know my wee little blog has a wee little Facebook page? I try to remember to update it when I post here on FitC, but more often than not, I forget. The 17 of you who do "Like" me on Facebook are quite possibly the greatest set of 17 people in the entire world and I love you all. You publicly admit to reading my blather and regularly endure frequent mentions of David Bowie's penis. You make a girl proud, you do. I get starry-eyed just thinking of you all. You too, Google Followers. You lot make me want to take up camping, as I am the happiest camper in all of campingdon thanks to your support.
If you haven't liked me on Facebook or followed me via Google or Twitter ... well. Well. I mean, I still love you. I do. Even as I sit and listen to, "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" on repeat. No, no, it's cool. I understand. You're very busy. We can still make this relationship work.
Facebook seems to think your reluctance to liking me has to do with the fact I do not pay them to advertise my wee page. (And not the fact I talk about penises way too much. Or the fact I neglect to update my blog with any real substance for long chunks of time. Or the fact that I don't sell anything or have anything really to offer save for love and entertainment and occasionally a well-written sentence or two.) I don't want to pay Facebook anything more than the hours of time I already devote to them, so there will be no FitC ads popping up in your sidebars, reminding you to like me, anytime soon.
Which is fine all around. Because I honestly don't think I can compete with the genius that is hat-beards (it's a hat ... with a beard) or the Gah!WhatTheHellIsWrongWithYourFeet!? fugshoes.
In Conclusion: I love you please follow me.
If you haven't liked me on Facebook or followed me via Google or Twitter ... well. Well. I mean, I still love you. I do. Even as I sit and listen to, "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" on repeat. No, no, it's cool. I understand. You're very busy. We can still make this relationship work.
Facebook seems to think your reluctance to liking me has to do with the fact I do not pay them to advertise my wee page. (And not the fact I talk about penises way too much. Or the fact I neglect to update my blog with any real substance for long chunks of time. Or the fact that I don't sell anything or have anything really to offer save for love and entertainment and occasionally a well-written sentence or two.) I don't want to pay Facebook anything more than the hours of time I already devote to them, so there will be no FitC ads popping up in your sidebars, reminding you to like me, anytime soon.
Which is fine all around. Because I honestly don't think I can compete with the genius that is hat-beards (it's a hat ... with a beard) or the Gah!WhatTheHellIsWrongWithYourFeet!? fugshoes.
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| The only thing that will go fast in those shoes is your dignity. |
In Conclusion: I love you please follow me.
Tags:
Meta-Blogging,
New Media
Sunday, December 4, 2011
You Find Me
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| Come on over! |
Every once in awhile, I look at my blog stats to see where I am getting my unique web hits from. Most of my referring sites are variations of Google, and the majority of those searches are for Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. (Y'all love the Katy and Lady, apparently!)
But occasionally, I will find a few phrases in the Search Keywords stats that sum up my blog in perfect snippets. You are in the right place if you found FitC via these searches.
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| Image reads: "hot to be a flaneur" |
Yes. Yes, it is hot to be a flâneur.
My flâneuring brings all the boys to the yard.
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| Image reads: "flaneur bowie" |
This is how you find Flâneur in the City. Type DAVID BOWIE into your search engine of choice. If you can remember the correct spelling, type flaneur. If you can't remember the correct spelling of flaneur, type DAVID BOWIE again. And you are here. This is pretty much all FitC is about. Occasional flaneuring, occasional writing, DAVID muggle-lovin' BOWIE.
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| (And David Bowie? He is the perfect flâneur.) |
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| Image reads: "david bowie vegetarian" and "london penis tower." |
String these together in one phrase: "david bowie vegetarian london penis tower." That could almost be my blog's "About Me." Drop the "tower," though. Maybe add coffee? "Reading between the lines of pavement cracks and pop culture? No, FitC is: david bowie vegetarian london penis coffee."
If you do need towers, go read The Broship of the Rings posts on GingerHaze's page and wait for the tower references there? Hipster Hobbits love Starbucks, FitC loves coffee, so it's all cyclical.
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| Venti coffees and pints of beer are both beautiful things that hobbits and I love. |
Tags:
David Bowie,
Images,
Meta-Blogging
Monday, August 8, 2011
Photographic Evidence
Remember how I mentioned in my Seven Links post that half of my traffic was from the phrase "katy perry boobs"? Wasn't kidding:
Seriously, Internet. You can stop now. There is no actual nudity on FitC. (Talk, yes. Actual, no.)
And I can only hope that one of the searches for David Bowie's penis is actually from Mr. Bowie himself. (Hopefully one that used a proper apostrophe.)
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| The week so far. It's only Monday! |
Seriously, Internet. You can stop now. There is no actual nudity on FitC. (Talk, yes. Actual, no.)
And I can only hope that one of the searches for David Bowie's penis is actually from Mr. Bowie himself. (Hopefully one that used a proper apostrophe.)
Tags:
David Bowie,
Meta-Blogging
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Seven Links
Been a long time, friends!
How about some linkage? Jamie tagged me in this blogging game, so here are a few oldies to pass the time until I get back into the swing of blogging.
THE RULES
1) Blogger is nominated to take part
2) Blogger publishes his/her 7 links on his/her blog – 1 link for each category.
3) Blogger nominates up to 5 more bloggers to take part.
4) These bloggers publish their 7 links and nominate another 5 more bloggers
5) And so it goes on!
*My Beautiful Post* This one has a sweet simplicity to it.
*My Most Popular Post* Katy Perry, Lady Gaga and what their boobs say. More than half of my new visitors are here from Google searches of "katy perry boobs." (Also, "david bowie penis." Hello, you delicious kindred spirits!) Seriously, if you ever want instant blog traffic, add text about cleavage or genitalia. Just typing the word genitalia made my numbers rise.
*Most Controversial* Speaking ill of another writer is a cardinal author sin, but my one-sided feud with Bret Easton Ellis, In Which I Save You Money, and the follow-up, In Which I May Have Gained an Archnemesis was a needed post that inevitably rubbed some people the wrong way.
*Most Helpful* Life lessons from cubicle land.
*Most Surprise Success* The very first post in which I compared David Bowie to a puppy. Also, my dumb little comics. They seem to be the two things everyone remembers about the blog.
*Not Enough Attention* I always hoped this one would receive more comments, or at least links to blogs answering the same questions.
*Most Proud* Haven't written it yet. When I do, you'll be the first to know. But until then, I'm rather fond of this recent one.
Who's next? How about: Ash Cloud at Dead Men Tell No Tales and all my dear official Followers with a blog of their own. Have at it, my loves!
How about some linkage? Jamie tagged me in this blogging game, so here are a few oldies to pass the time until I get back into the swing of blogging.
THE RULES
1) Blogger is nominated to take part
2) Blogger publishes his/her 7 links on his/her blog – 1 link for each category.
3) Blogger nominates up to 5 more bloggers to take part.
4) These bloggers publish their 7 links and nominate another 5 more bloggers
5) And so it goes on!
*My Beautiful Post* This one has a sweet simplicity to it.
*My Most Popular Post* Katy Perry, Lady Gaga and what their boobs say. More than half of my new visitors are here from Google searches of "katy perry boobs." (Also, "david bowie penis." Hello, you delicious kindred spirits!) Seriously, if you ever want instant blog traffic, add text about cleavage or genitalia. Just typing the word genitalia made my numbers rise.
*Most Controversial* Speaking ill of another writer is a cardinal author sin, but my one-sided feud with Bret Easton Ellis, In Which I Save You Money, and the follow-up, In Which I May Have Gained an Archnemesis was a needed post that inevitably rubbed some people the wrong way.
*Most Helpful* Life lessons from cubicle land.
*Most Surprise Success* The very first post in which I compared David Bowie to a puppy. Also, my dumb little comics. They seem to be the two things everyone remembers about the blog.
*Not Enough Attention* I always hoped this one would receive more comments, or at least links to blogs answering the same questions.
*Most Proud* Haven't written it yet. When I do, you'll be the first to know. But until then, I'm rather fond of this recent one.
Who's next? How about: Ash Cloud at Dead Men Tell No Tales and all my dear official Followers with a blog of their own. Have at it, my loves!
Tags:
Meta-Blogging
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Bad Writing Habits #1
Internet Research.
Research starts out as a productive necessity. It somehow takes a wrong turn on the Interwebs Super Highway and 3 hours later I'm 5 tabs deep into Wikipedia and Cracked links. If I open YouTube, I'm done.
(I would like to lie and say that my writing has improved this sad week without Internet, but I love my readers too much for that. Only socially acceptable little white lies for y'all! Also, two Time Warner Cable trucks and two weeks later, still no working Internet. If you ever wanted to guest blog on FitC, email me now. My poor, sad blog is desperate for loving posts and beautiful images, and I'll happily schedule both during the brief times I bum WiFi from friends and strangers.)
Research starts out as a productive necessity. It somehow takes a wrong turn on the Interwebs Super Highway and 3 hours later I'm 5 tabs deep into Wikipedia and Cracked links. If I open YouTube, I'm done.
(I would like to lie and say that my writing has improved this sad week without Internet, but I love my readers too much for that. Only socially acceptable little white lies for y'all! Also, two Time Warner Cable trucks and two weeks later, still no working Internet. If you ever wanted to guest blog on FitC, email me now. My poor, sad blog is desperate for loving posts and beautiful images, and I'll happily schedule both during the brief times I bum WiFi from friends and strangers.)
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